Thursday, 27 January 2011

Turn a new Page

While we're still in January I'll wish a belated happy birthday to this man. Although not strictly speaking a religious person I do believe there is a God... and he's name is JIMMY PAGE. This man is responsible for the vast majority of my air guitar histrionics over the years and is rightly regarded as one of the best guitarists ever. Not long ago my daughter was here at my place and I was playing a CD of Stairway to Heaven : live, and she was singing along to the opening verse. When she declared during Page's guitar solo that, "wow! He's really good", I could feel myself welling up - my job as a parent was complete... my daughter was ready to venture out into the world. Job done! Altogether now - da, dar, da, dar, da, da-da-da, da-da-da...

Monday, 24 January 2011

The King's speech impediment

Haven't got round to seeing this film yet but probably one for my DVD rental list. Talking about speech impediments, I caught the last half hour of, "Revenge Of The Sith" on Saturday. Can't Joda string a single sentence together in English? "Look you this good when you 900 years be." 900 years and that's as good as he gets? The Star Wars universe is chock full of aliens and they all seem to speak English okay, But Joda? "Play with myself I can." - "Jordan's breasts not real they are" - "Peter Piper a pepper that pickled is picked he did."

Wednesday, 19 January 2011

Sketchbook of woe

Following on from yesterday's post this is another cartoon from the food section of my sketchbook. Inspired by Carmen Miranda and the hat she wore I added some veg. It wasn't the easiest of pictures to draw as me and veg are not that closely associated (or fruit come to think of it) Carmen was a popular singer in the 40's and 50's and would be known mostly for the song, Ai, Ai, Ai (I like you very much) But like me you probably remember Jerry in the Tom & Jerry cartoons dressing up as her!! Carmen died suddenly when she was looking up at a crack in the ceiling and the weight of her hat broke her neck. I put my back out looking at my crack once, but that's a different story!!

Tuesday, 18 January 2011

Sketchbook of horror

Bob's BBQ & Mexican Grill in good ol' Texas serve the world's largest beefburger. Their menu advertises the Wagon Wheel Challenge... eat their mammoth 8 inch, 3 1/2 pound burger in less that 15 minutes and the burger is FREE. Medical insurance in America ISN'T, so the ambulance to rush you to hospital will make a nice dent in your wallet!

Monday, 17 January 2011

Enough with the dancing already

Just as one celebrity dancing show ends (and just 2 minutes before I was about to blow my brains out) along comes another one. Dancing on ice (why don't they have it on a frozen lake in early March to add some excitement to it) follows Strictly come dancing. Then we've got Sky 1's Got to dance. How about a twist on the whole dance idea... Send a bunch of celebrities to Afghanistan and ask them to dance on an area full of landmines. Then watch as the fun (and body parts) racks up. The last person left gets to join the Taliban (or we could just blow up Jedward). I'll quote Jeff from Rules of Engagement who said men should only be interested in three types of dancing : End zone, Lap and Pole!!

Thursday, 13 January 2011

It's a kinda... Borat

Half Borat, half Freddie Mercury. This is a doodle that grew a bit from the scrap of paper it started on!! The film of Freddie Mercury kicked into production yesterday with Sacha Baron Cohen perfectly cast as Freddie. Yeah, I know! It's Borat!! But he just looks perfect. Makes me wonder if there were any other screen tests for the role.
Robert De Niro - "You wanna break free? You're the only one here. You wanna break the f**k free? Oh yeah? ok." -- NEXT!
Samuel L. Jackson - "We WILL f**k you. Killer Queen? I'll kill the motherf**king lot of you. I'll tie your goddamn mother down. That bitch ain't never gonna get up. Dig it? -- NEXT

Wednesday, 12 January 2011

Going for the girl

So the human twiglet is pregnant again. Mrs Beckham has pleasured herself once more with those goldenballs. It's said that the fourth child is always heavier that the other ones. It can be ten or even eleven pounds... so it looks like Victoria's weight will double by the end of the pregnancy!! So desperate is she for a girl that the midwife has banned her from watching Eastenders in case she has a boy and swaps it for some one else's baby. She's believed to be so desperate that she'd even swap a boy for a baby panda at the zoo.

Saturday, 8 January 2011

Eggs is eggs

It's now been discovered that toxic German eggs have been used in a large number of supermarket items for the last three weeks. The give-away was at the checkout when a cake was swiped and the, "beep" was replaced by a rousing chorus of "Deutschland uber alles". This also give me the chance to point out (no one ever believes this) that there are more chickens than humans in England. No, really!! Let's just be thankful that they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd take over the country... although where I work they couldn't do any worse than the management we've already got! Piss-up & Brewery, any one?

Tuesday, 4 January 2011

Are Phumph! and Fharp! taxable?

Today sees VAT increase to 20%. I'm not much of a shopper, so... bothered! But BEER? Beer helps you forget bad things! Could be worse though. Denmark is considering taxing cows £76 (well, the farmer, obviously) in response to the global warming... rumour. (I'm freezing, I don't know about you) A U.N. food & agriculture study has shown that 18% of greenhouse gasses are caused by cow's farts!!! (I admit to another 2% on top of that) This equates to four tons of methane. FOUR tons! You could have flown the Hindenburg on that! Might not be such a wise move thinking about it. We've all tried to light our own farts, haven't we?

Saturday, 1 January 2011

You can't all have a birthday today!

Happy Birthday to every racehorse in the world!! Honest. Every horse has woken up today a whole year older. (Same feeling I get after a particularly heavy night.) The Queen's racehorses obviously have two birthdays - an additional state birthday where all the common racehorses march past them... known as Trooping the jockeys colours. All right! It's the first day of the year, the jokes can only get better. Who said, "Can't get any worse?" I know where you live!!