I can negotiate, me

It's been a week or so since the Raoul Moat standoff (watch out for Living TV's, "What Raoul did next") Something that had me slapping my forehead and muttering, D'oh! was Gazza turning up with some lager and food, obviously getting mixed up with the barbecue he'd been invited to the next day. Perhaps I'm being a tad too hard him. Maybe, just maybe, this is the way to deal with tense situations. I'd like to see him flown out to deal with the middle east problem. He'd be there armed with a meat pie, a bag of nuts and a six-pack of brown ale ready for when anything kicks off. Obviously if he was dealing with a muslim Gazza would have to leave the brown ale on the back seat, but providing the meat pie was halal he'd be good to go!

World cup predictions

A big story at this World Cup has been about the predictive powers of a certain Paul the Octopus. Paul, who accurately predicted all of Germany's results, is not the only animal with a special talent in the prediction department. Edwardo the elephant (a toothless old Indian type) was given two team photos to choose from before each of England's games and chose to crap on the England photo each time. Although in hindsight this wasn't showing any actual predictive powers, just Edwardo's realisation, along with the rest of the country's...that England were shite!!