Sketchbook of terror

Another dip into the archives. Today a caricature of that monkey shagging, baby dangling, pasty faced, child fondling, squeaky voiced, crotch grabbing man that is... Michael Jackson. But let's not hold that against him...hold Macauley Culkin against him, now he'd have liked that. And the other "worked up" sketch is... a German!

Silence is golden

On this day in history... 1965, Harpo Marx died. As a kid I grew up with the Marx Brothers films and Harpo was always my favourite of the brothers, although as I got older I came to appreciate Groucho's humour equally. One of the first times I literally pissed myself (not counting bed wetting) was watching Harpo and Groucho in the mirror scene in Duck soup. Classic. And I loved the scenes where Harpo would desperately try to mime and whistle to get some important bit of information over to the others. A Night At The Opera stands out as my favourite with so many great scenes (top has to be the contract scene... "party of the first part") along with the scene of three of the brothers disguised as famous Russian aviators at a town hall reception. Each is expected to say a few words including Harpo!!!

Sketchbook of Doom

I don't actually keep sketchbooks, just piles of paper in no order whatsoever. I think I've got some sort of OCD or something 'cos I know that if I had such a thing It'd be fine if the first page had a couple of drawings I was happy with but as soon as I'd draw a sketch I didn't like I'd tear the page out because it would ruin the whole book. Then I'd burn the book so that there was no evidence of such an error ever existing!!! But I thought they'd be no harm in posting some random sketches, or in this case, a few things worked up a bit. That's a typical birthday for me in the 2nd sketch and the 1st picture was an idea for a cartoon that after a week or so was no longer topical. I never got round to drawing it properly. Basically, the whole world was furious with the cat chucker of Coventry, saying how cruel she was...even China!!! Jeez. She only dumped it in a bin. It's not like she shoved in into a saucepan of boiling water!!! While I think of it, the last time I had a chinese I found a bell in my chow mein!!

Six string lemon

On this day... in 1893 Blind Lemon Jefferson was born. Jefferson was known as the father of Texas blues (I don't know if he ever paid child maintenance though) Although thought to have been born blind, it's claimed that he actually earned a living as a wrestler (though you'd think more likely as a referee!!)

Not so well known is that he shares his birthday with another blind guitarist called, Blind Kumquat Koslowski. Although not black he grew up alongside the piss poor Negroes in the Chicago slums playing blues clubs whenever he could. Kumquat was never accepted by his peers who couldn't understand his strong Polish accent but did gain a loyal following with the deaf community. He later formed a pathetically unsuccessful duo with a deaf trombone player called, Billy "can you speak up a bit" Grimshaw. The sound was not unlike cats killing themselves!! Koslowski's guitar can still be seen to this day in the rock 'n' roll museum... in a disused janitor's toilet!

Pope on a rope

The UK festival season ends with the Pope playing a series of sell-out shows. Disappointed not to have played Glastonbury or Reading, Benedict will be doinga total of four gigs. Support act Susan Boyle has already stormed off the tour when Lou Reed refused to let her sing, "Perfect Day". Su-bo threw a strop and chucked peanuts at the Pope. Controversy preceded the tour as Cardinal Walter Kasper arrived at Heathrow and claimed the UK was like a "third world country". The cynical amongst us might say that it's because of all the immigrants FROM third world countries that could easily give that impression!!! Some people towards the back of the crowd at the first gig complained they couldn't hear the Pope and asked him to speak up... especially a certain Mr Big nose. There was also some trouble from a group of cheese makers and a young man called Brian who later went off to a stoning.

Best in show

Most people will have seen Lady Gaga at the MTV music awards looking like a butchers shop on legs! It's the sort of scene you'd see if staff in Dewhursts were bored one day and someone said, "let's cover Barry in bacon." The team from Jackass were there to present an award and you could imagine Johnny Knoxsville eyeing her up thinking, "Raw meat, mental rock star...Jackass the movie number 3."

Super-dooper Sunday

On this day... the american football season starts. Okay, it's not a datefrom history (like the day that cats were invented, or something!) and I know the season started last Thursday but this is the first Sunday. I started following the NFL in the '80s when channel 4 showed week old highlights and the game has gained popularity not only in the U.K but worldwide. There's talk of expanding the league into other countries. Imagine: the Peking Ducks... the Swiss Watches... the Mumbai Basmatis or the Baghdad Shi'ites... or maybe not. WHAT!! It's not like I'm burning a book or anything.

Roo'd awakening

One simple question. Is there any England footballer who CAN keep it in his pants? Then again, on the plus side Rooney ended his goal drought by scoring twice. Against Switzerland... and with some rough looking but surprisingly expensive prossie. So expect an England friendly in Thailand shortly before the Euro Championships.

Life's taxing enough

The first of 6 million tax error letters were sent out this week. The government say they need to recover £2 bn in taxes owed but repay £1.8 bn. Why don't they just call it quits!! It's only £0.2 bn. The shortfall could be made up if everyone in the country had a rumage down the back of their sofas. I found enough change in D.F.S. alone for a train ticket to London so I can go to the tax office and crap on the desk of the idiot who caused all this!

No balls...not unlike my cat

A lot has been written about and continues to be written about the alleged Pakistan match fixing. And with older Pakistan games coming under scrutiny the story's gonna drag on for ages... a bit like watching your average test match. (5 days of staring at grass growing!) In all fairness to cricket it was my favourite sport to play as a kid... as long as we played with a tennis ball. I was... brilliant, even if I say so myself. A bit of an all-rounder, like Ian Botham, only better. BUT when we played with an actual cricket ball I'd crap myself when the thing came near me. I'd nearly always be out first ball and I'd field (that is to say, move out of the way) like I was taking a backhander to throw the game. Aaah! As a kid I played like a professional!