Is that your final answer?

Game show contestants are a strange breed... by strange I mean thick. Some classic responses to questions in Family Fortunes make you think that the family members watching at home are the one's who got the looks.
Something made of wool : A sheep -- A word used to describe a very hot day : A very hot day -- Something that comes in 7's : Fingers -- Something you open other than a door : Your bowels
Mind you, for the last one the question would have to be the other way round!! I went earlier today and it was a baby's arm. Flushed it and it was still looking at me like a crocodile in a cave. Talk about knowing I'd passed one, it signed the guest book on the way out!

Booked if I know!

Today I salute a new phenomenon, mummy porn... I thought we already had that with MILF but maybe I'm wrong. It seems every woman in the world has read the Fifty Shades of Grey books including my daughter. This was a bit of a surprise, not because of her tender years but because I didn't know she could read!! She said the books are a bit of an eye opener, a feeling I felt when I first read Enid Blyton's Famous Five take it up the wrong 'un. The first book has now become the fastest selling paperback beating the Harry Potter books. Don't worry, Potter-ites, the re-issued Potter books will be back at number one with added dialogue such as, "Okay, Harry. Now the safety word is Wingardium Leviosa." "Don't worry Dobbie, I done this before."

Flagged Offside

Ahh, the Olympics have arrived and so has Mr Cock-up. To be more specific, he's booked into a Premier Inn in Glasgow just a stones throw from where North Korea's first footie game was played. There was a bit of a cock up with the flags. Come on, North Korea, just deal with it. It's not as if anyone back home is going to see the game as no one's got a TV. At best the game would have been on the radio but the commentary would have been pre-recorded having North Korea win 3-0. North Korea have probably recorded them winning the football gold medal along with about 20 other events. It's not as if the flag thing was the worst thing to ever happen during a tournament... a girl from Kazakhstan won gold at some event in Kuwait but instead of the real national anthem the organizers played the one from Borat !!!!