Maggie, Maggie, Maggie!

Today is the day when they finally put Maggie in the ground. Millions of people will be watching if only to make sure that they do bury her... preferably in a mirror lined casket with some garlic and make sure that they dig a hole at least 20 feet deep and pour concrete over the top... Oh, and maybe they should have separated the head from the body first and bury that on the other side of the world. To be fair Maggie did loads of great things for this country, such as... damn! caps lock seems to be playing up and I think maybe Explorer has crashed!!!

Edinburgh Rock

I don't usually blow my own trumpet (haven't got the lips for it) but I'm posting this as I'm only responsible for the artwork, the client, Bob Skeldon did his own layout and did a good job too. This is a show that is part of this year's Edinburgh Festival. Typically an event that sees just about every comedian in the UK (and beyond) cross the border to Haggis land and try to give the locals a good laugh. (in much the same way that the Scottish football team do when they play at Wembley) I've never been but this year might be the time to get my jabs and dust off the old passport and catch a train to the motherland (I say motherland only because of my surname I wasn't actually born there, I'm as Scottish as Rod Stewart!!!)

Grand National Winning Colours?

It's my favourite sporting event of the year (just ahead of European custard filled underpants championships) and I have a selection to pass on. I've put a lot of thought into this and as statistically the race is usually won by a horse of some description I have chosen... a horse. Previous winners have usually had four legs and a tail so that has also been taken into consideration. Add to that the fact that the Irish have a great record in the race I've gone for Colbert Station. Irish trainer, Irish owner, Irish jockey (probably a leprechaun !!) heck, even the horse has a strong Irish accent and lives on guinness. Round about this time of year the old "ban the race" brigade come out the woodwork. They bang on about the cruelty of the race and the deaths of the horses. Come on, if the race was banned what the hell would Findus put in their lasagne???????

Dreaming of a white Easter!!

I can't believe how sodding cold it is. They're even talking on the radio about bookies taking bets for a white Easter!! It's not that unusual though. Apparently it's more likely to snow at Easter than at Christmas. Let's face it, this is England. It's more likely to piss down during the summer than at Christmas. I can't believe we didn't win any swimming golds at the Olympics, it's not as if we didn't have anything to practice in! This little character is someone that might be seen quite often in the near future, he's called Stookie. Watch this space.

Bonkers Boris

Determined as I am to get back into putting stuff on this blog, I've done this cartoon strip to get the ball rolling. It was drawn as a side project for a client I've illustrated a book for. To quote Rowan Keating, you say it best when you say nothing at all... no wait, that doesn't work. You say it best when you say it!!! The following is a quote from Professor Bo Beolens OBE, KFC, MUFC, expert on all things birdlike --

The 'Why Not Manston' campaign is virtually unique being the opposite of Nimbyism. A group of people in Thanet want to see their local airport used as another 'London' airport as it already has the longest runway in the country, all the necessary infrastructure, plenty of space within its perimeter to expand services and most of the necessary feeder transport infrastructure. The one improvement necessary would be a spur line a few miles long to the fast rail to London. It would have negligible environmental impact compared to all the other proposals to meet London's air transport needs.

I believe, however, that a hedgehog lives nearby and has gone to the European Court of Human Rights. Bloody red tape!!! Come on Boris, if you so much as expand Heathrow by a foot you'll be inside someone's back garden!!! You're not much of a thinker and there's a solution right in front of you!!!

...after the horse has bolted

I did notice that some of the teams at the opening ceremony was larger than 4 years ago. Bit handy really if you fancy "missing" the boat back and show up at your local council office asking for benefits. You can imagine some Albanian athlete turning up at the selection meeting. "So, Igor. What's your personal best for the 100 meters?" - About a minute and a half." - "You're in." Eat your heart out Usain Bolt, I used to do the 100 meters in about 10 seconds.. in the arcades on that Track And Field game!!! Remember that game? You either had the 2 button version or the joystick version. I preferred the buttons. Banging a joystick back and forth was like a busman's holiday to a teenager!!!!

Timorous Beasties

As patron of the WWF I was recently invited to wrestle the last remaining living Benaya h'll bird in it's natural habitat in a skip at the back of Tescos. The Benaya h'll bird is famed for it's prowess with the ladies. It's mating ritual includes chasing a long line of females dressed in nurses uniforms around the car park whilst squawking a tuneless rendition of Yakety Yak. The casual observer might also get the feeling that this all happens as if somehow speeded up. As for the wrestling match, I won by technical knock out and the Benaya h'll (Benny Hill!! I know, tenuous ain't it?) bird is now available in a bargain bucket in Fat Achmed's Chicken Palace.