The Pumpkin man

Let me tell you a tale as we near Halloween,

That'll curdle your blood and turn milk into cream.

For on a night like this and I'm not taking the piss,

A life is extinguished and goes something like this.

Young David it is that my story's about,

Who'd bought a new car, one with plenty of clout.

So parked in the woods with his girlfriend he sat.

With a grin on his face and her face in his lap.

Now stories abound of a pumpkin-like man,

With hate in eyes and who drove a white van.

He'd drive through the woods with but one obsession.

To kill any young men that have got an erection.

And so we have Dave with his girlfriend, Rebecca,

Kissing and smooching and stroking his pecker.

"Are they real?" asks Dave as he loosens her sweater.

"No. I just had them done. D'ya think they feel better?"

Then out of the blue came a bang on the car,

Just as young Dave was undoing her bra.

He saw through the window the flash of a blade.

Dave realised now that he wouldn't get laid.

But wasn't the Pumpkin Man who took Dave's life.

Was a nutter of a man, for the girl was his wife.