Fun and freaky fact : There is no Santa, it's your dad that dresses up. Although to be honest, he doesn't even bother to dress up. He waits till there's an advert during the darts on Sky Sports and sticks your presents under the tree and then shags your mum.
"I Saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus!" You're lucky, kid. If you'd carried on watching it would have scarred you for life. Oh, and that mince pie? Yeah, you guessed it. Fat so and so eats that as well.
My favourite Santa outfit? Vera Ellen in
White Christmas! Didn't expect that did you?
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