England verses France

You think France, you think of names like, Clement Poitrenaud, Trancois Trinh-Duc, Fulgence Quedrago, Imanol Harinordoquy. Names that roll off the tongue... well not MY tongue!! I've always struggled with French, "le" this and "la" that. At least we had the common sense to have, "the" EVERYTHING! The only french phrase I do like is, Double Entendre : as in, a woman phoned me and asked for a double entendre - so I gave her one!

Ireland Vs France

I know this is 2 weeks late but better late than never. Match day 2 of the Six Nations saw Ireland host the French. (France won). One of the most famous sights in world rugby in the New Zealand Haka. It's traditionally meant to intimidate the opposition so I've always thought we should counter this with a bit of morris dancing. The opposing team would be pissing themselves so much we'd score a few quick tries. Then there's the Scots : they could line up like in Braveheart and drop their shorts and moon at the other team. Then one of their own players could betray the captain to the English and we could hang, draw and quarter him... and they say rugby's too violent!

This is dragon on a bit

Okay! So I used to play a bit of Dungeons & Dragons - how else are young men supposed to meet girls? On the way home from work I pass a Games Workshop and on thursdays it must be role-playing night as it's generally full of specky four-eyed, greasy haired, lonely losers... VERY much like myself. Sometimes, just sometimes there might be a girl in there. Yeah! I know. A GIRL. Usual chatter follows thus : "If I role higher than a 15 on a d20 it means she's not wearing any knickers!" Snigger, snigger, push glasses back up nose. "Oh, you're so cool, Brian. I wish I was that good with the girls." "Maybe you could... IF you role higher than 18 on a d20 AND possess the ancient jam jar of dragon's testicles."

Ronal d'oh!

And so Ronaldo retires. If it hadn't been for the injuries that plagued him he could well have been the best ever. The only player to touch him (oh, er, missus!) in my book was the inimitable Bert Trumshaw who played for Accrington Stanley in the 1920's. Roni might have played for Real Madrid but Bert went one better by actually going to watch them play. He took a week off work from his job at a fish finger factory making prosthetic hands for the fish to go to Europe. Bert was the first person in his family to eat paella. So impressed was Bert by the silky skills of the Spanish, he copied what he saw and introduced a continental flair to the English game. That season Bert led his team to a best ever 1st round FA cup exit... and administration. Gawd bless you, Bert "paella" Trumshaw!

I was never gonna give you MY heart

Came up with this idea at work (probably on the toilet like most of the others) and by the time I got home, drew it, watched a double bill of three and a half men and posted it, it's nearly midnight. But Los Angeles is 8 hours behind so it's still Valentines. All I got in my letterbox today was the usual local newspapers, bills and take-a-way menus. I keep sending Kelly Brook a card but she never sends me one. Hey, Kelly? Where's my card? Don't let a restraining order come between us. Babe? oh and, Ben. Four fingers, Dude!!

Dumb-ass the parody

I'm a big fan of sequential art in any form from cartoon strips to graphic novels - from Calvin & Hobbes to Heavy Metal. I also like adaptations of them (mainly 'cos I don't read many books and I don't think we'll be seeing movie version of, "Where's Wally?" anytime soon). I haven't seen the film but I know there's a foul mouthed school kid in it called, Hit-girl (I live in Essex so these Chavs are two-a-penny). Any such character has got to come from St. Trinians... not so much the recent versions but the old b&w films, which would make you fear for your life if you accidentally found yourself near their school.

50 million buys what?

A bit late with this one but worth drawing. I've no idea what makes anyone think a player is worth this amount of money. And it's not as if they work hard for their payday. Today's bunch of girls blouses throw themselves to the ground in agony if you so much as look at them. Gary Oldman is one of our finest actors but he would be acted off the pitch by the likes of Didier Drogba. (it is oscar season I suppose) Maybe it's just sour grapes 'cos I used to always get picked last when we sorted out teams at school. It was usually me and the fat kids left... oh, and this one legged kid from India.

Superduperbowl XLV

Congrats to the Green Bay Packers for Sunday's Superbowl and a hearty, "What was that?" to the Black eyed peas. (not actually a pea, it's part of the bean family) I had to cheer on the Packers as, being a huge Looney toons fan, I found out that the cheesheads used to be sponsored by the ACME packing company... THE Acme. Well, an Acme anyway. I'm still trying to catch up on the sleep I lost staying up till gone 3 am watching the game so I might have to extend my toilet/nap times at work for the next few days to recover.

Will it be rabbit on the menu?

It was Chinese new year end of last week - day after Groundhog day so I wonder if that means every day will be Chinese new year? Anyway, today is when they usually have their parades so I thought it an opportune time to draw this. I was only going to draw one rabbit but you know what rabbits are like. They breed like, er, well... rabbits!!

England verses Wales

I'm gonna try to post one cartoon per game, see if I can reach match day five. So Wales were humbled and outplayed. Our boys rose to the challenge and were only really troubled by one passage of play from the Welsh. As the commentator said, " Jones passes it to Jones who hands it off to Jones. He passes it to Jones, off loads it to Jones, passes it to Jones. Jones see Jones alone on the wing and kicks it to Jones. Jones passes it to Jones. Jones has only got one man to beat... Fuck it! He knocked it on." Bring on the Pasta eaters next week.

Spare a few coppers, mate?

A word of advice to any bad guys who live in Delta City...Hit Robocop in the mouth. It's not protected, you could beat him with a rolled up newspaper!!! I like my cop shows to have a bit of realism to them : Hill Street Blues was always my favourite. Police Squad is probably next. Frank Drebin. Now that was a law enforcement officer. A favourite line?
FRANK - I wonder why Savage would be hanging out in a place like that?
ED - Sex Frank?
FRANK - Er... Not right now Ed - we got work to do!