Sunday, 5 August 2012

...after the horse has bolted

I did notice that some of the teams at the opening ceremony was larger than 4 years ago. Bit handy really if you fancy "missing" the boat back and show up at your local council office asking for benefits. You can imagine some Albanian athlete turning up at the selection meeting. "So, Igor. What's your personal best for the 100 meters?" - About a minute and a half." - "You're in." Eat your heart out Usain Bolt, I used to do the 100 meters in about 10 seconds.. in the arcades on that Track And Field game!!! Remember that game? You either had the 2 button version or the joystick version. I preferred the buttons. Banging a joystick back and forth was like a busman's holiday to a teenager!!!!

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

Timorous Beasties

As patron of the WWF I was recently invited to wrestle the last remaining living Benaya h'll bird in it's natural habitat in a skip at the back of Tescos. The Benaya h'll bird is famed for it's prowess with the ladies. It's mating ritual includes chasing a long line of females dressed in nurses uniforms around the car park whilst squawking a tuneless rendition of Yakety Yak. The casual observer might also get the feeling that this all happens as if somehow speeded up. As for the wrestling match, I won by technical knock out and the Benaya h'll (Benny Hill!! I know, tenuous ain't it?) bird is now available in a bargain bucket in Fat Achmed's Chicken Palace.