As if there isn't enough suffering in the world, Jordan has announced that she is going to be recording a new album. (all around the country deaf people are cutting off their ears) As if to provide some sort of justification she said the album will be for charity... Royal society for the deaf? Perhaps she means that as with bands such as Kiss, AC/DC and the Eagles who sold their last albums exclusively in Wall-mart stores, Jordan's album will be on sale exclusively IN charity shops! Once it's recorded could I suggest a copy be sent to our troops in Afghanistan. They could blast it out at the Taliban. It'll have the same effect as the bombing of Hiroshima.
Colonel Gaddafi has asked for people to martyr themselves (wait till Jordan's album comes out, mate!) He'll still be alive but his followers will be thinking they're taking the fight to the enemy and a glorious death awaits them. Gaddafi has now fired the first scud missile of the conflict. Fortunately it missed it's target... Brega. Not a library or a rebel stronghold or even a sports stadium, but a whole town!! Blimey, even Fernando Torres could hit a town!
His team-mate John Obi Mikel's father has been kidnapped back home in Nigeria. Although no ransom demand has yet to be received it's rumoured to be a million pounds and Fernando Torres in an exchange deal... better to be safe than sorry. Offer them five million. It's the only way you'll get rid of him.
Manchester United's new goalie, David De Gea has had a bad start to the season and is taking quite a bit of flack. To be fair, most goalies have a weakness... his just happens to be goalkeeping!
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